On Visibility and FIRST GIG OF 2018!
The Cagibi gig which I booked months ago is now almost upon us. At the time of booking gigs the date is safely far enough in advance for me not to feel anything until..suddenly..it’s only a few days away and both fear AND excitement rush in! And yet, I’m so pleased that I’ll be back on stage and VISIBLE as most of the work I’ve been doing has been behind the scenes (filming a music video, writing and recording an EP – release details are coming soon…I promise!)
It’s all the administrative, marketing, managing and planning work that sometimes makes me forget that I’m a musician and a creator. They say this time of year is when we start to get cabin fever and I have to admit there’ve been a few days this last month when I haven’t left the house (my friends joke that my dressing gown is my professional attire)
I’m so grateful to those of you who ask me when I’m playing, subtly reminding me that my place and the reason I do this is to be on stage and face my fears around being VISIBLE. Yes, it might seem unlikely to some of you that, as a performer, I should admit to having a fear of being ‘visible’ (I’ll give the caps a break)
Once I’m on stage though most of that fear flows out of my lungs and I fill with the exhilaration of sharing a moment, a space with a group of people I love. However, this is a different kind of visibility and one I’ve chosen to make my goal this year. It’s a visibility that dares to try and be proved wrong, to hope but perhaps face disappointment, to believe in its right to be seen despite its flaws and not being quite perfect yet.
Yep, I’m a self-confessed perfectionist. The trait/pattern masquerades itself nicely as procrastination and dawdling until I have no choice but to face my fears, which is why I have some sense to book things well in advance so that I do something and don’t let perfectionism take over.
So, in the spirit of putting myself out there, this particular goal means: booking more gigs, going to networking events and meeting more people in the MTL music community, playing guitar in front of others no matter how imperfect I am, and talking about what I do to strangers (even if it makes me want to fall apart inside). Oh, and it also means having this website and promoting it. Welcome!
If you’re reading this then you can feel free to hold me accountable for these actions and remind me if I’m slipping up at all. I’d also love to hear whether you have any feelings/thoughts around visibility. Performers/entertainers/public speakers/people in the media most obviously confront patterns around being seen but I think it’s something that affects all of us so I’d love to know if you have any goals for yourself for this area in your life. What’s the worst that could happen, eh?
More info on the gig @ Le Cagibi here.